"Spritzing the Joy-Juice 2000"
The Fine Art of Spritzing the Joy Juice
Dearly beloved, they have gathered me together here to adduce a whizzical, quimisical squark of holy hoosenwoosen. And I have been awarded a special dispensation to make up my own words for the occasion. I awarded it to myself. Isn't that wonderbubble? . . . Click Here
How to Make a Jewish Person Laugh -- Guaranteed!
I've got a foolproof way a non-Jewish person can make a Jewish person laugh.
OK, trust me on this one. If you do it right, it NEVER fails! -- Just like love.
No kidding. Here's all you have to do . . . . (More Coming Soon!)
What Makes Funny Stuff Funny?
Say, just what is Funniness, anyway? Everybody knows what it is, but hardly anybody can define it. See, defining it is risky. Even if you do, it's like dissecting a frog; it dies in the process. Believe me, being theoretical and analytical about comedy is a sure-fire not-funny endeavor. In fact, you risk losing big laugh cells doing that. But I am willing to sacrifice some perfectly good laughs to analyze it for you. Why, you ask? -- You really want to know?&; Because I love you silly gooses, that's why, okay? . . . . Click Here
Just Two Kinds of People in the World
As you may have heard by now, there are just two kinds of people in the world: The Kind Who Divide Everybody Up into Two Kinds of People - and The Kind Who Don't. -- And I'm the Kind Who Don't. -- But it sure seems like all the people in the world are divided into two kinds: The People Who Want to Get IN and The People Who Want to Get OUT . . . . (More Coming Soon!)
What I Did for the Holidays
Being a Jewish guy who believes in Jesus, people always ask me what I do at Holiday Times. Well okay, let's take for example, let's say, oh I dunno, how about Thanksgiving? This last Thanksgiving I had a wonderful time. Nobody invited me anywhere, so I sat in front of the tube in my undershirt all by myself eating processed Turkey Links out of the can with my fingers . . . . Click Here
How to Make Murderers Laugh     
I have often gone into prisons to make murderers laugh. If I were in there, I wouldn't mind if somebody came in to cheer me up. It is an odd honor to go into prisons to bring light into darkness. In fact, where the dark is darkest, the light is that much brighter. That's the only reason we can see stars, you know. Sometimes somebody will ask, "Wow, aren't you scared going into prisons?" No, because it is an unwritten rule that if you can make someone laugh, they will not kill you . . . . (More Coming Soon!)
"The Divine Smuggling Conspiracy"
A Treatise on Life, Love, Laughs, Lust and the Divine Romance
Okay, so there I was, see . . . Born! -- But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Before that, okay, so there I was, see -- curled up in the fetal position. In the womb. Ensconced. Set up real nice. Pretty sweet arrangement. Hermetically sealed. Rent free. Temperature controlled. Getting my meals piped in. -- Then they began to get downright pushy -- and I got pushed out into this other Great Big Womb with all these other people in it, otherwise known as This World . . . Sort of A Womb with a View . Click Here
Pondering the Big Questions -- (A Poem)
Having my bagel & coffee alone in Borders bookstore,
while reading their Psychology Today magazine,
which has an interview with Timothy Leary.
He says we must assume responsibility for our own divinity.
Hmm . . . .
A cute artsy blonde girl walks by . . . . Click Here